Chapter One

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-1-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually. 

CHAPTER 1

Just another normal family somewhere in the planet named Mars... 

(General note: punctuation has an accepted format; full-stop/period, space, capital letter, m'kay? Also? Apostrophes are your friend.)
Anna: Dad?!!
Jared: Just a second, Im coming!

Really? How is that an appropriate thing to tell your child?! Surely, 'I'm busy, can it wait' would be more age appropriate?

Anna: Dad now! I really need to tell you something.
Jared: Hunnie, Im downstairs, can you just hold up a second? 
Anna, Muna & Sophie were are the living room, planning something about their dad, Jared Leto.They loved their dad very much but they always enjoyed playing with him no matter what the cost would be. What...like pedophilia charges?
Sophie & Muna started giggling.
Sophie: Seriously, we are gonna do that? I mean, don't be surprised if he kicks us out of the house, when we are done!
Anna: Just wait up, I got it all here.When he comes.... Might take a while, he just came a few seconds ago oh wait Muna have you bought the hair color?
Muna: Sure I got it here.What the hell he was thinking when he dyed his hair green with red highlights?

Possibly 'Maybe if I do this, no one will write me into their badly constructed fanfic'? Either that or he wanted to pretend to be a Venus Flytrap.... *bitey* 

Sophie: Apparently he wanted to be in the Christmas mood.Girls girls, he is coming up, Hide hide TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!
The girls got prepared & turned off the lights.
Jared got up at the living room wondering...why the hell did they turn off the lights?
Jared: Okay, baby Im done with that song, where are...? Jared didn't manage to complete his sentence because Luna grabbed him and put him on the special chair, where everything was planned.

Who the fuck is Luna? Is this a Harry Potter cross-over? Also...'special chair', no puns necessary, however you read it.

Jared: What the hell...?
Sophie: Dad we need to talk.Anna turn on the lights! Muna keep holding him there.
Jared: Girls are you fucking serious? What the hell is that?
Sophie: Okay, we will set the record straight.We love you daddy, but there is a problem.Your latest hair color...pretty much sucks.No offense but your head looks definitely like a vegetables store, so hey (all the girls together smiling) we bought hair color! We are gonna dye your hair! Actually Anna is gonna do that part, because we will do it even worse.And we will just hold you up! We promise it is gonna be a hell of a color.
Jared: Sophie are you crazy? I just...
Anna: Enough! Back to work! Muna turn on the music baby, we need to party! Obviously.
Muna: Okay ladies & gentleman so you want Kanye or...what do we have here...ewww Bieber, what the....dad are you listening to Bieber?
Jared: I am too upset to answer this question.At least what color is it?
Muna: Awww surprise , daddy! By the way, think we forgot something girls!
Anna: Shit yes, Sophie call our uncle & our mofo king!
Jared: So now that's the way you call Tomo? Last time I checked he was your godfather.
Sophie: Dad, you need to be updated a little bit more, I mean when was the last time you got on Twitter? Without too much research, looks like a few hours ago? 
Muna: Aaaaaaaah oh my God, daddy where is your Blackberry?
Jared turned to Muna and gave her that angry look. No, not that one, the other one!
Jared: Don't even think about it.
Sophie, Muna & Anna started laughing.
Anna: Hahahahahha, get his Blackberry, we are gonna tweet what he is up to!
Muna: Yeah like let's answer the question of Twitter: “what's happening?” *Scratches head* Funny, I've been asking myself what's happening since I started reading this.
Sophie: My hair is getting raped by my daughters! Ba ha ha ha! 

Rape; endlessly entertaining and amusing, loltrufax! Three out of four people agree!

They all started laughing.Muna called Shannon & Tomo to come over to take a look at the new hair of Jared.Jared still hadn't seen the color of his hair.A while later everything was done & the bell rang.
Anna: Oh dad, you look so beautiful honestly!
Sophie: This is definitely so much better!
Jared: Alright, will you let me stand up and go check out myself? 

Now he's at the supermarket? When the fuck did that happen? Gotta sympathize though, self-checkouts are a bitch.

Muna: No actually we are waiting for the uncle  

First thing that came to mind, kinda aprops. too: 'Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucker. You're an uncle fucker, yes it's true. NOBODY fucks uncles quite like you'. + Tomo to tell us what they think.
Anna: Sophie, go get the door, I am cleaning up all the mess here!

Sophie: I can't ! I am on dad's Twitter asking the Echelon's questions! Dad when was the last time you had sex? A girl is asking right here!

Even if my dad was Jared Leto, Dad + sex questions = Ewwwww. Do. Not. Want. Really, think about your dad's penis for a second....*rests case* 

Jared Leto; so hot that even his fictional daughters would hit it? I don't think so. 
Jared almost had a heart attack. So...like a stroke then? Angina? He opened up his mouth.
Jared: Tell me where did I go wrong? Where? Didn't I gave you everything you needed? I mean okay, you may have skipped some lessons in school & you may listen to AC/DC instead of Britney Spears, but this is completely normal...right?

I really don't think anyone can blame this on AC/DC... maybe the skipped lessons but that's almost too easy, y'know? Lets blame it on Judas Priest, it's always their fault *nods*

The bell kept ringing.
Jared: And will someone open the goddamn door, for motherfucking's sake, there is a thunderstorm out there!

Talking of motherfuckers, where is the babymomma??

Muna: Okay okay, I am opening the door, but I am telling you, dad.We are completely normal. 
Muna opens the door.
Shannon: Finally !! All my shopping bags turned from solid into...something wet.
Tomo: Who said we are normal??! We are never normal...awww my girls , my lovely girls.
Both 3 girls climbed up to Tomo. 

Ok, which is it, both or 3? How many fucking people are involved in this travesty?

Shannon: I ain't getting any love today, alright.....should think so too, these are your nieces! Incest, fun and games for the whole family! OH MAN.Jared what happened to your hair?
Jared: What do you mean what...oh shit what did you girls do?
Jared ran all the way to the bathroom to check his hair out.
Shannnon & Tomo started laughing.
Shannon: Seriously girls....PINK HAIR? 

Because Jared Leto would never dye his hair pink, nofuckingwai! -_- 

Shannon continued laughing.
Sophie: It is so hot! 

There's some serious Oedipus shit going on this, Freud would have a field day with the writer. And her dad. 

Anna: Definitely pink is the new black.
Muna: Maybe we should dye your beard pink too, Tomo!!
Tomo: No no no no, I will never forget you ain't gonna touch my little beard.It is my best feature. 
Sophie:Guys...uhmm....
All together: What??!
Sophie: I can't hear dad.
Tomo: Oh he will come back, maybe he got a heart attack.Discovering you have pink roots in your hair....well it is a pretty big discovery.
Got a heart attack? Where? In the post? 

Shannon: I am gonna go to see what's happening.Oh by the way- I almost forgot! I got you some Christmas presents babies!
Shannon handed the presents to the girls.
Anna: Ohhhh you are amazing!
Jared came out of the bathroom.
Jared: I can't fucking believe it.I can't...
The girls looked at each other and turned their heads down.
Sophie: Oops!
Jared: IT IS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGGGG! Which crazy little girl am I gonna hug first?
The girls started screaming! They ran towards their dad. 
Tomo looked at Shannon.
Shannon: Is he serious?
Tomo: Yes.He is ...Jared.

Wait, so he starts off with green and red hair, and now everyone's shocked that he's ok with having pink hair? I think logic took a wrong turn off the interstate a little while ago. 

After Jared hugged the girls & turned out he was all happy, the girls decided to open up the presents of Shannon.
Muna opened her present first.It seemed like a big present.
Muna: Ohh...uncle seriously? My Chemical Romance! All their discography? Ye-ah, all FOUR discs, c'mon, they're good but they've not got a Bob Dylan status discography. Aaah and an exclusive autograph from Gerard?! Exclusive? Gee's kind of a slut, he'll sign any damn thing, Shannon probably didn't even need to blow him for it. Is this real? I love you!!!!!!
Muna hugged Shannon tightly.
Shannon: Aww that's okay, you are so welcome baby.
Jared: C'mon Sophie, open up yours!
Sophie unwrapped her present.
Sophie: Uhm...nice.
Tomo: What is it?!
Sophie: A...photobook...by Michael who?!
Shannon: Litherman! One of my favorite photographers ever, the man has talent!
Sophie: And how did you decide to buy ME a photobook by the mister fucking Litherman? Hahahaha.
Jared: Sophie!
Sophie gave a big smile to Jared.
Sophie: Sorry dad!
Shannon: Well I remember you were telling all the time Jared how much you loved his photobook he is about to release.You know with all the pictures around the world...?
Sophie: Yes actually I was saying that.But I was just saying it because I wanted to let DAD KNOW, uh uh, how much I wanted him to take me to your international tour.
Jared: What? Really? So you didn't actually mean you liked my photobook?
Sophie: Dad this is not the point right now!
Jared: No, this is the point.We need to talk about it!
Shannon: Jared, the girl is right.Wait up for a second.Sophie...sweetie, Imma buy you a new Christmars present alright?
Sophie: No no, uncle it's alright...I mean...Litherman right? I will find out about his...talent.
Sophie pretended she threw up behind Tomo.Tomo giggled with her, asking her to keep it low.
Shannon: Oh well...so after that delightful break...Anna would you like to open up up your present?
Anna: Yeah sure!
Anna unwrapped her present.
Anna: A leather jacket! I love leather jackets! But why is it...yellow?
Shannon: I love yellow.
Tomo: Shannon it's Christmas, get yourself together.
Shannon: So? You don't like it sweetheart? You wear leather jackets pretty often.
Anna: Yeah I am actually wearing dad's leather jackets....at home. Again with the creepy Oedipus complex...Sort of expect 'Alone' to be the next word out of her mouth.
Jared got shocked again.
Jared: Since when?!
Anna: Oh c'mon dad, like you haven't seen me!
Jared: No actually I haven't because the last weeks, I have been editing on that goddamn Hurricane video day & night to spend some time with you girls on the holidays.
Sophie: Which by the way is pretty surreal, dad.Didn't know you had such a dirty mind.
Sophie winked to Jared. 

I just vomited in my mouth a little. 

Muna: I would actually call it soft porn with...well some dad kick-boxing. Jared trying to be Mikeyway.
Jared: Where did you see the video? Shannon....Tomo....I am such a bad father. We're kind of getting the same impression. Anyone got the number for social services?
Shannon: It is alright, they obviously saw the teaser online. Everyone, everywhere, who's tall enough to turn the computer on, saw the full uncut video. People in the outer steppes of Mongolia saw the freaking video.
Tomo: Yeah relax yourself, dude!
All the girls together: Uhm yes.
Jared: Shannon! Why are you even speaking? You just recently found out about retweeting!
Shannon: What! I actually know how to follow people you know!
Tomo: This conversation is over, girls well done with your presents, have fun with them! Well Anna I don't know if I can say the same about yours, yellow was never my thing.Who is up for pizza?!!
All together: Let's go!

And all this normal family went up for pizza outdoors.To be continued...

Normal? About as normal Josef Fritzl's pizza outings, yeah? 

Oh hey, maybe that's where the babymomma is, the basement?