CHAPTER 3

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-3-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually.

 

 

CHAPTER 3

The next day was Saturday.The girls arranged with Tomo to spend the day at his house.Jared called Tomo to check if everything was alright.
Jared: Tomo!
Tomo: Hey, uh stop it Anna, what's up mate?

Jared: I'm alright, a bit tired you know.Been making several changes on the video, then I had this radio interview with a shithead, I'm pretty sure I was asking the questions myself! What's going on there?
Tomo: Everything's peachy, if you point out the facts that Muna completely smashed my violin, Sophie tried to cook for lunch but ended up blowing up my oven & oh Anna is trying to shave my beard and she is climbing on me.Anna I said stop it, sweetie'

So, I'm noticing a theme with these girls. Lotta climbing on Daddy and Daddy's friends... just sayin'. 
Jared: Dude, are you serious? I...I...I am so sorry, coming to pick them up immediately!'
Tomo: Well you might do that as well.But it's alright, other than that they are angels.
From the background Muna was screaming.
Muna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH JACOB GOT SHIRTLESS, JACOB GOT FUCKING SHIRTLESS! AAAAAAH.

Well that's just ridiculous. I refuse to believe any kid of Jared Leto's likes Twilight. Hey guys, I think this one's an imposter, babymomma lied about being at the echelon-gang-bang-picnic.

Tomo: Well Jared...you get the idea.
Jared: I'm coming up right now! Tomo lives in the attic? 
Jared turned to Shannon, all furious.
Jared: I'm gonna pick up the girls from Tomo's place.They have literally destroyed the man's place! Are you coming? 
Shannon: I can't.Almost middle-age self crisis. Made him impotent?
Jared: You are the worst liar you know? At least make up a fucking good excuse, get your shit together & let's go! I feel terrible going there on my own.
Shannon: Well alright! But I really hope there's a party mood there at least!
Jared: I bet your ass , there is.
Jared & Shannon drove all the way to Tomo's place.They knocked the door.
Shannon: Uh no Jared, the bell is broken.Keep knocking. Shannon is sMrt. *gives him gold star*
They could listen to the music coming up from the house.
Jared: I just hope Tomo is still alive.
Shannon: Or at least his beard. His beard is already dead. Unless he's really part-gorgon? 
Five minutes later, the door opened and Jared with Shannon saw Vicky.
Vicky: Jared! Jared, I love your girls but they have taken over my house.I ended up homeless! She says while opening the door. From inside her house. 
Jared & Shannon entered the house and what they saw was unbelievable.
Tomo, Anna , Muna & Sophie were dancing to Willow Smith's song 'Whip my hair'. 
Sophie: C'mon Mofo, whip your hair!'
All of them were screaming , dancing and...whipping their hair with itty bitty little whips, which led to rather a few major scalp lacerations, at least one concussion, and a huge carpet cleaning bill. 

Vicky: This is NOT normal, I don't know what I should do. Always knew I liked Vicky.
Jared and Shannon were left speechless.
Shannon: What the fuck is going on? Not so much with the speechless then?
Tomo: Guys, come join us!
Muna: Daaaaad, uncle!
Anna: Dad check me out, I whip my hair back and forth ha! Dad whip your pink hair!
Vicky: Jared, tell me that you don't get that through every day.
Jared: Uh...not really.Why are they acting like this?! Why the heck is Tomo acting like this? We talked like a half hour ago, and the dude was all pissed off with the girls.
Vicky: Because Sophie may not know how to cook but she surely knows how to make cocktails.Their latest cocktail was called Shannimal.Shannon sorry hunnie, I don't even know what that cocktail contained.
Shannon: They really did? (in a louder tone) Oh Sophie thank you for the cocktail!
Sophie: Uhhhhh my lovely uncle is here.
Sophie ran & hugged Shannon.
Jared: Sweetheart, what the fuck did you do?
Sophie: I drank many cocktails & I'll be dancing all night! Grab my hands, let's go!
Tomo at the other side of the room kept dancing with the girls.
Tomo singing: Snoooooooop...!
Muna & Anna: DOGG! Let's do it again!
Tomo singing: Snoooooooop...!
Muna & Anna: DOGG!
Jared looked at Vicky.
Jared: Okay since we can't stop this thing, let's join! Shannon?

Yes! Totally responsible parenting, ply them with more alcohol too while you're there! Father of the year and all that!

Shannon has actually already joined them and had grabbed a Sophie's cocktail.
Vicky: Okay, I give up! I claim myself homeless, I am off for a walk.When I come back, I want this done...oh damn that oven.
And Vicky left the house.
After some more drinks everyone was dancing to Nicki Minaj.
Jared was laughing like crazy, Shannon was drinking the 5th cocktail , Tomo had worn his sun glasses, Muna & Sophie pretended they were Nicki Minaj and Anna had climbed at the bookcase screaming the song.
Jared: I am SO gonna tweet this moment, just j-j-just hold up there say cheese!
Shannon: What?! I AM TWEETING this! I...I got the camera right...right here.
Jared started laughing again.
Jared: After you take the photo what do you do Shannon? Do you drag it onto the What's happening section?
Tomo started laughing so much that he fell on the floor.
Shannon: Dude, you're supposed to do the 'transfer part'!
Muna: EVERYBODY can fuck off!
Everyone started laughing again.
Anna: Okay okay, everyone can I have your attention please?
We are all wasted....Dad take a look at me for a second, stop tweeting! And tomorrow I got school.Under other circumstances I wouldn't give a hell ....Muna what's that on your head??
Everyone looked at Muna.
Muna: I found it at Tomo's wardrobe
Muna laughed her ass off which became problematic later when she wanted to sit down, but that's a whole other story.
Jared: I'm gonna cry.I'm so gonna cry.My daughter is wearing a Tomo's pant on her head. I think I'm gonna cry too, what does this even mean?
Tomo: That's the cooliest thing I've ever seen! Cheers to that!
Tomo drank another shot of tequila.
Anna: Okay this is it, I am outta here.Dad, uncle, Sophie we need to go!
Sophie: What about Muna?
Anna: Fine, take off the pant off her head & take her with you!
Sophie: No way!
Jared: G..girls girls - we're leaving Muna here! We need to go - I should be a good dad.

Yu-huh. Isn't fucking rocket surgery surely?! 

Sophie: Right now, we are the ones that carry you but let's skip that part...Uncle Shannimal c'mon! I named a cocktail like this , you know?
Shannon: I know, someone told me.Too hard to remember who exactly.Oh Anna you're wearing my yellow leather jacket!

Selective early onset dementia maybe? 

Anna: No uncle, actually it's orange and it's...emm well...doesn't belong to me! We're off to go!
Jared, Shannon, Anna & Sophie left Tomo's house (and one hopes that they called a cab, rather than drove, but somehow, given the parenting fails so far, I really doubt it) and Tomo with Muna kept partying all night.
Then they started rapping.
Tomo: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
Muna: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
Tomo: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Muna: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!

This is...it's like it sporks itself.