CHAPTER 2

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-2-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually.

CHAPTER 2

So after Jared, Shannon , Tomo & the girls ate up pizza outdoors, they decided to go back home.

Commenting on sentence structure seemed a bit like shooting fish in a barrel with this, but dear god, reading that particular sentence hurt my head. 

Shannon: So, let's go back kiddos!
Jared & the girls: Yeah sure, it is pretty late already.
Tomo: Guys...eh I am still hungry.
Jared: You're kidding, right? You ate like a million pizza pieces.

Maybe he has worms?

Tomo: It is not MY fault that you are as skinny as a hair of my beard. ('on my chinny-chin chin' would have been so much better)
Jared: Is that really a comparison?
Muna: Okay can you keep fighting at the car? I am pretty cold & I have so many CDs to listen to now! You have four...I guess by 'skipped lessons', she meant math. 
Muna gave a big smile to all of them.
Anna: Yeah...me too Yellow leather jacket...woohoo..bah.
Sophie: What should I SAY? Now when my friends will ask me "What you got for Christmas present?" I will be like "Oh awesome stuff, a photobook by a guy I didn't even know that existed.
No offense uncle Shannon, but that was an epic failed present.
Shannon looked at Jared.
Shannon: We should definitely get going!
By the time they were about to get in the car, they heard a girl screaming.
Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I AM DYING
Jared: What the fuck?
Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH JARED LETO SAID WHAT THE FUCK, JARED LETO IS IN FRONT OF ME! OH MY GOD SHANNON , TOMO! GIIIIIIIIRLS COME HERE!!
I get the feeling this is a 'write what you know' moment. 
Sophie: Holy shit, first time I agree with my uncle, let's get going!
Suddenly 10 girls started running towards the band & the girls.
Tomo: Okay, that's where we say....RUUUUUUUUUN!
Everyone got in the car & Shannon drove them all the way to the house.
Tomo: Odd question, but why you didn't drive ME home?
Shannon:Oops sorry , too much stress in some seconds - couldn't do much. Like speak English...apparently.
Muna: I've got an idea!
All together: What?!
Muna: We are making a birthday cake for our daddy!
Jared: My birthday was 3 days ago, sweetheart.It's alright.
Anna: NO, Muna is right! It is bad luck! We are making it now!
Jared: Are you serious? It is 1 a.m.
Sophie:I thought you weren't MENTALLY 39! We are off to make it now!

They got home and the girls searched the kitchen to find all the things they needed.
Tomo: You may excuse ME, I am gonna take a nap here in the couch.I will not bother anyone, I promise.
Shannon: Me too! Good luck Jay.
Jared: There is no way you are leaving me with 3 crazy teenage girls that want to make me birthday cake after midnight.
Shannon: No, actually we are.
Shannon laid down .And so did Tomo.Jared got pissed off and started throwing pillows over to both of them.
Jared: I will not let you sleep, I swear!
Jared was laughing.
Tomo: What the...? PILLOW FIGHT? HELL YES I AM IN!

Which of them are meant to be the teenage girls again? I'm having a hard time remembering... 

Tomo grabbed some pillows and starting throwing them over to Shannon & Jared.
After some minutes the living room was turned into a mess.
Shannon: Take that & take this and ha take that one!
Jared: OUCH MAN!
Tomo: Shut up! THIIIIIIS IS WARRRRRRRR!
Sophie got to the living room to check out what was that noise.
Sophie: UHHHHH! PILLOW FIGHT! GIRLS!!
Muna & Anna ran to the living room.Muna threw a pillow at Jared's head.
Jared: Eeeey girl!
Jared threw it back at her.Suddenly Tomo started laughing hysterically.
Anna: What's up mofo?
Tomo:Hahahahahaha oh shit hahahahhaahha....Jared....hahahaha you have some sour cream on your pink head!
As sexual euphemisms go, that manages to be both creepy and oddly descriptive. 

Everyone looked at Jared and started laughing.
Muna: Oh hahahaha sorry dad my hands are all over sour cream!
Sophie: Now that's California girls video on dad's head!
Everyone continued laughing.
Jared: So THIS IS WAR FOR REAL!
Jared ran at the kitchen and came back with a chocolate syrup bottle.

OMG, I actually don't think I wanna know what he's going to do with that... *reads through fingers*

Jared:Pssst pssst Tomo come here, kitty! Is this some kind of kinky thing? Because ewww *shudders* cat play with chocolate sauce, ykinok :P
Tomo started running at all over the place & Shannon got to the kitchen and grabbed the whole chocolate cake.
Anna: Nooooooo uncle, not the cake we just did it ! For the yellow leather jacket's sake!
Muna: I got the candles, I've got the...
Muna couldn't finish the sentence because Sophie threw a pillow covered in chocolate at Muna's face.
Muna: You biiiiiiitch! Bring me the fucking cake uncle, bring me the fucking cake!
Jared: Muna, don't swear at your sister!
Shannon threw another sour creamed pillow to Jared.
Jared: Ouch motherfucker, you motherfucker you got me in the ear!
Muna: Who is swearing now?! Aaaaaaah Tomo is behind the curtain, go get him dad!
Jared ran after Tomo and covered Tomo's beard with chocolate syrup.
None was moving.Everyone was just holding up not to laugh.
Anna: Okay Sophie, dad may have the California gurls video on his head, but Tomo definitely has the Charlie & the Chocolate Factory on his beard.

Uh-huh, and reading this is like Daddy Day Care meets Freddy Got Fingered.... 'Daddy got-' no, I'm not even going there. 

Everyone started laughing at Tomo.
Jared: Okay, now that we are all screwed we may finish up with that chocolate cake.
Sophie: Right! Let's all sing "Happy birthday to you...all together now!"
They sang the Happy Birthday song and Jared blew up the candles.After they ate up most of the cake, Anna started covering Shannon's face with the rest of the chocolate cake.
Shannon: I am too tired to wash it up at the moment, seriously.
Everyone was so tired from the pillow fight that they had all laid down at the couch and were just staring at the wall.
Anna: Dad...
Jared: Something easy please.
Anna: I have a question.
Jared: Shoot.
Anna: I think we are mature enough to tell us about what happened to our mum.I mean...we never really talked about it.

Audience: SHE'S IN THE BASEMENT!!! 

Jared turned his head and looked at his girls who were looking at him with puppy eyes.
Shannon: Lemme see ya now...

Bzhuh-what-now?

Jared: You want the truth?
Sophie: We didn't ask to lie to us.
Muna started singing "Your honesty like a back that hides a knife"
Tomo: Muna, are you drunk girl?
Muna: Uh no!
Jared: Well the truth is...when I was younger I was pretty...ehmm
Sophie: ...sexually active?
And then there was that orgy, and then he got knocked up, and it's sorta like eating beans and trying to figure out which one gave you wind, y'know? It's just one of those weird male-pregnancy things, could happen to anyone... 
Jared:Sophie! Oh well probably...so I had promised to the Echelon that I would make love to each single one of them & so I did.And now I don't remember who your mum is.
I have no words, none, to describe the epic parenting fail. Forgetting the car keys, forgetting to put soy milk on the grocery list...annoying but forgivable. Forgetting who gave birth to your children...early onset dementia.
Anna: Wow! So we were born by the Echelon? It's a bit like Greek Mythology in a way.
Jared: You can put it this way...
Muna: Oh nice! So now everytime they ask me what's my mother's name I am gonna be like "Well Echelon! Pretty catching name, right?" Uncle, tell us the truth.
Shannon: I am afraid that's the truth kids.
Anna: DAMN! And I thought my mum was a celebrity or something!

Jared: Babies...come here.

The girls went closer to Jared & hugged him.
Jared: I want you to know & I am serious that uh fuck I love you so much.I will never let anything happen to you.I am trying to do my best to be a daddy & a mummy at the same time.

The mommy thing is just for weekends though, isn't it? Uh-huh, I see what's going on here. 

Muna: Yes, we get it dad but you never cook. Are you kidding? He makes awesome vegan spaghetti.
Sophie: Or wash the dishes.Soon we will be hanging out with mice instead of actual people.
Jared: Tomo, Shannon are you even listening?? I need help here!
Tomo: Uh I think I should get going because right now I am definitely not in the mood to wash some dishes.
Tomo stood up.
Jared: Tomo!
Tomo: Dude I said no, I have got a kitty to feed! Again with the kinky shit, man has issues.
Jared: No actually you still got some chocolate syrup on your...(Jared showed him exactly where)...beard.
Tomo: Holy shit!
Tomo headed straight to the bathroom.
Anna: OH MY LETO! We really need a woman in here, look at the mess! I am not even touching those pillows again. Way to gender stereotype, not cool :P
Jared: I think that YOU are women, huh.
Muna: No, we are girls and we got homework & uh..stuff to do.
Jared: What do you define as...stuff? And if it involves his electric toothbrush we don't want to know, okay? That's too far into TMI territory.
Muna: Stuff...ehmm I am going upstairs! Need to rock myself up with some My Chemical Romance! Goodnight! Wait, what? Oh I thought she said KNOCK myself up, my bad, carry on.
Sophie & Anna aggreed.They hugged Shannon & gave a family kiss to Jared.

Oh, oh, oh, is that what they're calling it now? 'Family kiss', uh-huh, right. Now, see kids, see this doll? Now point out on the doll where this family kiss happens...

Sophie: We love you! And yes we do need a woman in this hell of a house.
Jared gave them a rough look & then smirked.
Jared: Go go straight to bed!
Shannon: Tough day, tough questions.
Jared: You tell me...
Shannon: I have got a question too, bro.
Jared sighed.
Jared: Go ahead.
Shannon: How do I shorten the links at Twitter?