CHAPTER 3

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-3-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually.

 

 

CHAPTER 3

The next day was Saturday.The girls arranged with Tomo to spend the day at his house.Jared called Tomo to check if everything was alright.
Jared: Tomo!
Tomo: Hey, uh stop it Anna, what's up mate?

Jared: I'm alright, a bit tired you know.Been making several changes on the video, then I had this radio interview with a shithead, I'm pretty sure I was asking the questions myself! What's going on there?
Tomo: Everything's peachy, if you point out the facts that Muna completely smashed my violin, Sophie tried to cook for lunch but ended up blowing up my oven & oh Anna is trying to shave my beard and she is climbing on me.Anna I said stop it, sweetie'

So, I'm noticing a theme with these girls. Lotta climbing on Daddy and Daddy's friends... just sayin'. 
Jared: Dude, are you serious? I...I...I am so sorry, coming to pick them up immediately!'
Tomo: Well you might do that as well.But it's alright, other than that they are angels.
From the background Muna was screaming.
Muna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH JACOB GOT SHIRTLESS, JACOB GOT FUCKING SHIRTLESS! AAAAAAH.

Well that's just ridiculous. I refuse to believe any kid of Jared Leto's likes Twilight. Hey guys, I think this one's an imposter, babymomma lied about being at the echelon-gang-bang-picnic.

Tomo: Well Jared...you get the idea.
Jared: I'm coming up right now! Tomo lives in the attic? 
Jared turned to Shannon, all furious.
Jared: I'm gonna pick up the girls from Tomo's place.They have literally destroyed the man's place! Are you coming? 
Shannon: I can't.Almost middle-age self crisis. Made him impotent?
Jared: You are the worst liar you know? At least make up a fucking good excuse, get your shit together & let's go! I feel terrible going there on my own.
Shannon: Well alright! But I really hope there's a party mood there at least!
Jared: I bet your ass , there is.
Jared & Shannon drove all the way to Tomo's place.They knocked the door.
Shannon: Uh no Jared, the bell is broken.Keep knocking. Shannon is sMrt. *gives him gold star*
They could listen to the music coming up from the house.
Jared: I just hope Tomo is still alive.
Shannon: Or at least his beard. His beard is already dead. Unless he's really part-gorgon? 
Five minutes later, the door opened and Jared with Shannon saw Vicky.
Vicky: Jared! Jared, I love your girls but they have taken over my house.I ended up homeless! She says while opening the door. From inside her house. 
Jared & Shannon entered the house and what they saw was unbelievable.
Tomo, Anna , Muna & Sophie were dancing to Willow Smith's song 'Whip my hair'. 
Sophie: C'mon Mofo, whip your hair!'
All of them were screaming , dancing and...whipping their hair with itty bitty little whips, which led to rather a few major scalp lacerations, at least one concussion, and a huge carpet cleaning bill. 

Vicky: This is NOT normal, I don't know what I should do. Always knew I liked Vicky.
Jared and Shannon were left speechless.
Shannon: What the fuck is going on? Not so much with the speechless then?
Tomo: Guys, come join us!
Muna: Daaaaad, uncle!
Anna: Dad check me out, I whip my hair back and forth ha! Dad whip your pink hair!
Vicky: Jared, tell me that you don't get that through every day.
Jared: Uh...not really.Why are they acting like this?! Why the heck is Tomo acting like this? We talked like a half hour ago, and the dude was all pissed off with the girls.
Vicky: Because Sophie may not know how to cook but she surely knows how to make cocktails.Their latest cocktail was called Shannimal.Shannon sorry hunnie, I don't even know what that cocktail contained.
Shannon: They really did? (in a louder tone) Oh Sophie thank you for the cocktail!
Sophie: Uhhhhh my lovely uncle is here.
Sophie ran & hugged Shannon.
Jared: Sweetheart, what the fuck did you do?
Sophie: I drank many cocktails & I'll be dancing all night! Grab my hands, let's go!
Tomo at the other side of the room kept dancing with the girls.
Tomo singing: Snoooooooop...!
Muna & Anna: DOGG! Let's do it again!
Tomo singing: Snoooooooop...!
Muna & Anna: DOGG!
Jared looked at Vicky.
Jared: Okay since we can't stop this thing, let's join! Shannon?

Yes! Totally responsible parenting, ply them with more alcohol too while you're there! Father of the year and all that!

Shannon has actually already joined them and had grabbed a Sophie's cocktail.
Vicky: Okay, I give up! I claim myself homeless, I am off for a walk.When I come back, I want this done...oh damn that oven.
And Vicky left the house.
After some more drinks everyone was dancing to Nicki Minaj.
Jared was laughing like crazy, Shannon was drinking the 5th cocktail , Tomo had worn his sun glasses, Muna & Sophie pretended they were Nicki Minaj and Anna had climbed at the bookcase screaming the song.
Jared: I am SO gonna tweet this moment, just j-j-just hold up there say cheese!
Shannon: What?! I AM TWEETING this! I...I got the camera right...right here.
Jared started laughing again.
Jared: After you take the photo what do you do Shannon? Do you drag it onto the What's happening section?
Tomo started laughing so much that he fell on the floor.
Shannon: Dude, you're supposed to do the 'transfer part'!
Muna: EVERYBODY can fuck off!
Everyone started laughing again.
Anna: Okay okay, everyone can I have your attention please?
We are all wasted....Dad take a look at me for a second, stop tweeting! And tomorrow I got school.Under other circumstances I wouldn't give a hell ....Muna what's that on your head??
Everyone looked at Muna.
Muna: I found it at Tomo's wardrobe
Muna laughed her ass off which became problematic later when she wanted to sit down, but that's a whole other story.
Jared: I'm gonna cry.I'm so gonna cry.My daughter is wearing a Tomo's pant on her head. I think I'm gonna cry too, what does this even mean?
Tomo: That's the cooliest thing I've ever seen! Cheers to that!
Tomo drank another shot of tequila.
Anna: Okay this is it, I am outta here.Dad, uncle, Sophie we need to go!
Sophie: What about Muna?
Anna: Fine, take off the pant off her head & take her with you!
Sophie: No way!
Jared: G..girls girls - we're leaving Muna here! We need to go - I should be a good dad.

Yu-huh. Isn't fucking rocket surgery surely?! 

Sophie: Right now, we are the ones that carry you but let's skip that part...Uncle Shannimal c'mon! I named a cocktail like this , you know?
Shannon: I know, someone told me.Too hard to remember who exactly.Oh Anna you're wearing my yellow leather jacket!

Selective early onset dementia maybe? 

Anna: No uncle, actually it's orange and it's...emm well...doesn't belong to me! We're off to go!
Jared, Shannon, Anna & Sophie left Tomo's house (and one hopes that they called a cab, rather than drove, but somehow, given the parenting fails so far, I really doubt it) and Tomo with Muna kept partying all night.
Then they started rapping.
Tomo: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
Muna: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
Tomo: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Muna: I whip my hair like that, then like this and then I become a MOFO!

This is...it's like it sporks itself.

CHAPTER 2

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-2-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually.

CHAPTER 2

So after Jared, Shannon , Tomo & the girls ate up pizza outdoors, they decided to go back home.

Commenting on sentence structure seemed a bit like shooting fish in a barrel with this, but dear god, reading that particular sentence hurt my head. 

Shannon: So, let's go back kiddos!
Jared & the girls: Yeah sure, it is pretty late already.
Tomo: Guys...eh I am still hungry.
Jared: You're kidding, right? You ate like a million pizza pieces.

Maybe he has worms?

Tomo: It is not MY fault that you are as skinny as a hair of my beard. ('on my chinny-chin chin' would have been so much better)
Jared: Is that really a comparison?
Muna: Okay can you keep fighting at the car? I am pretty cold & I have so many CDs to listen to now! You have four...I guess by 'skipped lessons', she meant math. 
Muna gave a big smile to all of them.
Anna: Yeah...me too Yellow leather jacket...woohoo..bah.
Sophie: What should I SAY? Now when my friends will ask me "What you got for Christmas present?" I will be like "Oh awesome stuff, a photobook by a guy I didn't even know that existed.
No offense uncle Shannon, but that was an epic failed present.
Shannon looked at Jared.
Shannon: We should definitely get going!
By the time they were about to get in the car, they heard a girl screaming.
Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I AM DYING
Jared: What the fuck?
Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH JARED LETO SAID WHAT THE FUCK, JARED LETO IS IN FRONT OF ME! OH MY GOD SHANNON , TOMO! GIIIIIIIIRLS COME HERE!!
I get the feeling this is a 'write what you know' moment. 
Sophie: Holy shit, first time I agree with my uncle, let's get going!
Suddenly 10 girls started running towards the band & the girls.
Tomo: Okay, that's where we say....RUUUUUUUUUN!
Everyone got in the car & Shannon drove them all the way to the house.
Tomo: Odd question, but why you didn't drive ME home?
Shannon:Oops sorry , too much stress in some seconds - couldn't do much. Like speak English...apparently.
Muna: I've got an idea!
All together: What?!
Muna: We are making a birthday cake for our daddy!
Jared: My birthday was 3 days ago, sweetheart.It's alright.
Anna: NO, Muna is right! It is bad luck! We are making it now!
Jared: Are you serious? It is 1 a.m.
Sophie:I thought you weren't MENTALLY 39! We are off to make it now!

They got home and the girls searched the kitchen to find all the things they needed.
Tomo: You may excuse ME, I am gonna take a nap here in the couch.I will not bother anyone, I promise.
Shannon: Me too! Good luck Jay.
Jared: There is no way you are leaving me with 3 crazy teenage girls that want to make me birthday cake after midnight.
Shannon: No, actually we are.
Shannon laid down .And so did Tomo.Jared got pissed off and started throwing pillows over to both of them.
Jared: I will not let you sleep, I swear!
Jared was laughing.
Tomo: What the...? PILLOW FIGHT? HELL YES I AM IN!

Which of them are meant to be the teenage girls again? I'm having a hard time remembering... 

Tomo grabbed some pillows and starting throwing them over to Shannon & Jared.
After some minutes the living room was turned into a mess.
Shannon: Take that & take this and ha take that one!
Jared: OUCH MAN!
Tomo: Shut up! THIIIIIIS IS WARRRRRRRR!
Sophie got to the living room to check out what was that noise.
Sophie: UHHHHH! PILLOW FIGHT! GIRLS!!
Muna & Anna ran to the living room.Muna threw a pillow at Jared's head.
Jared: Eeeey girl!
Jared threw it back at her.Suddenly Tomo started laughing hysterically.
Anna: What's up mofo?
Tomo:Hahahahahaha oh shit hahahahhaahha....Jared....hahahaha you have some sour cream on your pink head!
As sexual euphemisms go, that manages to be both creepy and oddly descriptive. 

Everyone looked at Jared and started laughing.
Muna: Oh hahahaha sorry dad my hands are all over sour cream!
Sophie: Now that's California girls video on dad's head!
Everyone continued laughing.
Jared: So THIS IS WAR FOR REAL!
Jared ran at the kitchen and came back with a chocolate syrup bottle.

OMG, I actually don't think I wanna know what he's going to do with that... *reads through fingers*

Jared:Pssst pssst Tomo come here, kitty! Is this some kind of kinky thing? Because ewww *shudders* cat play with chocolate sauce, ykinok :P
Tomo started running at all over the place & Shannon got to the kitchen and grabbed the whole chocolate cake.
Anna: Nooooooo uncle, not the cake we just did it ! For the yellow leather jacket's sake!
Muna: I got the candles, I've got the...
Muna couldn't finish the sentence because Sophie threw a pillow covered in chocolate at Muna's face.
Muna: You biiiiiiitch! Bring me the fucking cake uncle, bring me the fucking cake!
Jared: Muna, don't swear at your sister!
Shannon threw another sour creamed pillow to Jared.
Jared: Ouch motherfucker, you motherfucker you got me in the ear!
Muna: Who is swearing now?! Aaaaaaah Tomo is behind the curtain, go get him dad!
Jared ran after Tomo and covered Tomo's beard with chocolate syrup.
None was moving.Everyone was just holding up not to laugh.
Anna: Okay Sophie, dad may have the California gurls video on his head, but Tomo definitely has the Charlie & the Chocolate Factory on his beard.

Uh-huh, and reading this is like Daddy Day Care meets Freddy Got Fingered.... 'Daddy got-' no, I'm not even going there. 

Everyone started laughing at Tomo.
Jared: Okay, now that we are all screwed we may finish up with that chocolate cake.
Sophie: Right! Let's all sing "Happy birthday to you...all together now!"
They sang the Happy Birthday song and Jared blew up the candles.After they ate up most of the cake, Anna started covering Shannon's face with the rest of the chocolate cake.
Shannon: I am too tired to wash it up at the moment, seriously.
Everyone was so tired from the pillow fight that they had all laid down at the couch and were just staring at the wall.
Anna: Dad...
Jared: Something easy please.
Anna: I have a question.
Jared: Shoot.
Anna: I think we are mature enough to tell us about what happened to our mum.I mean...we never really talked about it.

Audience: SHE'S IN THE BASEMENT!!! 

Jared turned his head and looked at his girls who were looking at him with puppy eyes.
Shannon: Lemme see ya now...

Bzhuh-what-now?

Jared: You want the truth?
Sophie: We didn't ask to lie to us.
Muna started singing "Your honesty like a back that hides a knife"
Tomo: Muna, are you drunk girl?
Muna: Uh no!
Jared: Well the truth is...when I was younger I was pretty...ehmm
Sophie: ...sexually active?
And then there was that orgy, and then he got knocked up, and it's sorta like eating beans and trying to figure out which one gave you wind, y'know? It's just one of those weird male-pregnancy things, could happen to anyone... 
Jared:Sophie! Oh well probably...so I had promised to the Echelon that I would make love to each single one of them & so I did.And now I don't remember who your mum is.
I have no words, none, to describe the epic parenting fail. Forgetting the car keys, forgetting to put soy milk on the grocery list...annoying but forgivable. Forgetting who gave birth to your children...early onset dementia.
Anna: Wow! So we were born by the Echelon? It's a bit like Greek Mythology in a way.
Jared: You can put it this way...
Muna: Oh nice! So now everytime they ask me what's my mother's name I am gonna be like "Well Echelon! Pretty catching name, right?" Uncle, tell us the truth.
Shannon: I am afraid that's the truth kids.
Anna: DAMN! And I thought my mum was a celebrity or something!

Jared: Babies...come here.

The girls went closer to Jared & hugged him.
Jared: I want you to know & I am serious that uh fuck I love you so much.I will never let anything happen to you.I am trying to do my best to be a daddy & a mummy at the same time.

The mommy thing is just for weekends though, isn't it? Uh-huh, I see what's going on here. 

Muna: Yes, we get it dad but you never cook. Are you kidding? He makes awesome vegan spaghetti.
Sophie: Or wash the dishes.Soon we will be hanging out with mice instead of actual people.
Jared: Tomo, Shannon are you even listening?? I need help here!
Tomo: Uh I think I should get going because right now I am definitely not in the mood to wash some dishes.
Tomo stood up.
Jared: Tomo!
Tomo: Dude I said no, I have got a kitty to feed! Again with the kinky shit, man has issues.
Jared: No actually you still got some chocolate syrup on your...(Jared showed him exactly where)...beard.
Tomo: Holy shit!
Tomo headed straight to the bathroom.
Anna: OH MY LETO! We really need a woman in here, look at the mess! I am not even touching those pillows again. Way to gender stereotype, not cool :P
Jared: I think that YOU are women, huh.
Muna: No, we are girls and we got homework & uh..stuff to do.
Jared: What do you define as...stuff? And if it involves his electric toothbrush we don't want to know, okay? That's too far into TMI territory.
Muna: Stuff...ehmm I am going upstairs! Need to rock myself up with some My Chemical Romance! Goodnight! Wait, what? Oh I thought she said KNOCK myself up, my bad, carry on.
Sophie & Anna aggreed.They hugged Shannon & gave a family kiss to Jared.

Oh, oh, oh, is that what they're calling it now? 'Family kiss', uh-huh, right. Now, see kids, see this doll? Now point out on the doll where this family kiss happens...

Sophie: We love you! And yes we do need a woman in this hell of a house.
Jared gave them a rough look & then smirked.
Jared: Go go straight to bed!
Shannon: Tough day, tough questions.
Jared: You tell me...
Shannon: I have got a question too, bro.
Jared sighed.
Jared: Go ahead.
Shannon: How do I shorten the links at Twitter?

Chapter One

Original text can be found here: http://30stmfanfics.blogspot.com/2011/01/chapter-1-fanfic.html

Additions, sporking/notes are in red. 

I take no credit for this, or blame actually. 

CHAPTER 1

Just another normal family somewhere in the planet named Mars... 

(General note: punctuation has an accepted format; full-stop/period, space, capital letter, m'kay? Also? Apostrophes are your friend.)
Anna: Dad?!!
Jared: Just a second, Im coming!

Really? How is that an appropriate thing to tell your child?! Surely, 'I'm busy, can it wait' would be more age appropriate?

Anna: Dad now! I really need to tell you something.
Jared: Hunnie, Im downstairs, can you just hold up a second? 
Anna, Muna & Sophie were are the living room, planning something about their dad, Jared Leto.They loved their dad very much but they always enjoyed playing with him no matter what the cost would be. What...like pedophilia charges?
Sophie & Muna started giggling.
Sophie: Seriously, we are gonna do that? I mean, don't be surprised if he kicks us out of the house, when we are done!
Anna: Just wait up, I got it all here.When he comes.... Might take a while, he just came a few seconds ago oh wait Muna have you bought the hair color?
Muna: Sure I got it here.What the hell he was thinking when he dyed his hair green with red highlights?

Possibly 'Maybe if I do this, no one will write me into their badly constructed fanfic'? Either that or he wanted to pretend to be a Venus Flytrap.... *bitey* 

Sophie: Apparently he wanted to be in the Christmas mood.Girls girls, he is coming up, Hide hide TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!
The girls got prepared & turned off the lights.
Jared got up at the living room wondering...why the hell did they turn off the lights?
Jared: Okay, baby Im done with that song, where are...? Jared didn't manage to complete his sentence because Luna grabbed him and put him on the special chair, where everything was planned.

Who the fuck is Luna? Is this a Harry Potter cross-over? Also...'special chair', no puns necessary, however you read it.

Jared: What the hell...?
Sophie: Dad we need to talk.Anna turn on the lights! Muna keep holding him there.
Jared: Girls are you fucking serious? What the hell is that?
Sophie: Okay, we will set the record straight.We love you daddy, but there is a problem.Your latest hair color...pretty much sucks.No offense but your head looks definitely like a vegetables store, so hey (all the girls together smiling) we bought hair color! We are gonna dye your hair! Actually Anna is gonna do that part, because we will do it even worse.And we will just hold you up! We promise it is gonna be a hell of a color.
Jared: Sophie are you crazy? I just...
Anna: Enough! Back to work! Muna turn on the music baby, we need to party! Obviously.
Muna: Okay ladies & gentleman so you want Kanye or...what do we have here...ewww Bieber, what the....dad are you listening to Bieber?
Jared: I am too upset to answer this question.At least what color is it?
Muna: Awww surprise , daddy! By the way, think we forgot something girls!
Anna: Shit yes, Sophie call our uncle & our mofo king!
Jared: So now that's the way you call Tomo? Last time I checked he was your godfather.
Sophie: Dad, you need to be updated a little bit more, I mean when was the last time you got on Twitter? Without too much research, looks like a few hours ago? 
Muna: Aaaaaaaah oh my God, daddy where is your Blackberry?
Jared turned to Muna and gave her that angry look. No, not that one, the other one!
Jared: Don't even think about it.
Sophie, Muna & Anna started laughing.
Anna: Hahahahahha, get his Blackberry, we are gonna tweet what he is up to!
Muna: Yeah like let's answer the question of Twitter: “what's happening?” *Scratches head* Funny, I've been asking myself what's happening since I started reading this.
Sophie: My hair is getting raped by my daughters! Ba ha ha ha! 

Rape; endlessly entertaining and amusing, loltrufax! Three out of four people agree!

They all started laughing.Muna called Shannon & Tomo to come over to take a look at the new hair of Jared.Jared still hadn't seen the color of his hair.A while later everything was done & the bell rang.
Anna: Oh dad, you look so beautiful honestly!
Sophie: This is definitely so much better!
Jared: Alright, will you let me stand up and go check out myself? 

Now he's at the supermarket? When the fuck did that happen? Gotta sympathize though, self-checkouts are a bitch.

Muna: No actually we are waiting for the uncle  

First thing that came to mind, kinda aprops. too: 'Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucker. You're an uncle fucker, yes it's true. NOBODY fucks uncles quite like you'. + Tomo to tell us what they think.
Anna: Sophie, go get the door, I am cleaning up all the mess here!

Sophie: I can't ! I am on dad's Twitter asking the Echelon's questions! Dad when was the last time you had sex? A girl is asking right here!

Even if my dad was Jared Leto, Dad + sex questions = Ewwwww. Do. Not. Want. Really, think about your dad's penis for a second....*rests case* 

Jared Leto; so hot that even his fictional daughters would hit it? I don't think so. 
Jared almost had a heart attack. So...like a stroke then? Angina? He opened up his mouth.
Jared: Tell me where did I go wrong? Where? Didn't I gave you everything you needed? I mean okay, you may have skipped some lessons in school & you may listen to AC/DC instead of Britney Spears, but this is completely normal...right?

I really don't think anyone can blame this on AC/DC... maybe the skipped lessons but that's almost too easy, y'know? Lets blame it on Judas Priest, it's always their fault *nods*

The bell kept ringing.
Jared: And will someone open the goddamn door, for motherfucking's sake, there is a thunderstorm out there!

Talking of motherfuckers, where is the babymomma??

Muna: Okay okay, I am opening the door, but I am telling you, dad.We are completely normal. 
Muna opens the door.
Shannon: Finally !! All my shopping bags turned from solid into...something wet.
Tomo: Who said we are normal??! We are never normal...awww my girls , my lovely girls.
Both 3 girls climbed up to Tomo. 

Ok, which is it, both or 3? How many fucking people are involved in this travesty?

Shannon: I ain't getting any love today, alright.....should think so too, these are your nieces! Incest, fun and games for the whole family! OH MAN.Jared what happened to your hair?
Jared: What do you mean what...oh shit what did you girls do?
Jared ran all the way to the bathroom to check his hair out.
Shannnon & Tomo started laughing.
Shannon: Seriously girls....PINK HAIR? 

Because Jared Leto would never dye his hair pink, nofuckingwai! -_- 

Shannon continued laughing.
Sophie: It is so hot! 

There's some serious Oedipus shit going on this, Freud would have a field day with the writer. And her dad. 

Anna: Definitely pink is the new black.
Muna: Maybe we should dye your beard pink too, Tomo!!
Tomo: No no no no, I will never forget you ain't gonna touch my little beard.It is my best feature. 
Sophie:Guys...uhmm....
All together: What??!
Sophie: I can't hear dad.
Tomo: Oh he will come back, maybe he got a heart attack.Discovering you have pink roots in your hair....well it is a pretty big discovery.
Got a heart attack? Where? In the post? 

Shannon: I am gonna go to see what's happening.Oh by the way- I almost forgot! I got you some Christmas presents babies!
Shannon handed the presents to the girls.
Anna: Ohhhh you are amazing!
Jared came out of the bathroom.
Jared: I can't fucking believe it.I can't...
The girls looked at each other and turned their heads down.
Sophie: Oops!
Jared: IT IS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGGGG! Which crazy little girl am I gonna hug first?
The girls started screaming! They ran towards their dad. 
Tomo looked at Shannon.
Shannon: Is he serious?
Tomo: Yes.He is ...Jared.

Wait, so he starts off with green and red hair, and now everyone's shocked that he's ok with having pink hair? I think logic took a wrong turn off the interstate a little while ago. 

After Jared hugged the girls & turned out he was all happy, the girls decided to open up the presents of Shannon.
Muna opened her present first.It seemed like a big present.
Muna: Ohh...uncle seriously? My Chemical Romance! All their discography? Ye-ah, all FOUR discs, c'mon, they're good but they've not got a Bob Dylan status discography. Aaah and an exclusive autograph from Gerard?! Exclusive? Gee's kind of a slut, he'll sign any damn thing, Shannon probably didn't even need to blow him for it. Is this real? I love you!!!!!!
Muna hugged Shannon tightly.
Shannon: Aww that's okay, you are so welcome baby.
Jared: C'mon Sophie, open up yours!
Sophie unwrapped her present.
Sophie: Uhm...nice.
Tomo: What is it?!
Sophie: A...photobook...by Michael who?!
Shannon: Litherman! One of my favorite photographers ever, the man has talent!
Sophie: And how did you decide to buy ME a photobook by the mister fucking Litherman? Hahahaha.
Jared: Sophie!
Sophie gave a big smile to Jared.
Sophie: Sorry dad!
Shannon: Well I remember you were telling all the time Jared how much you loved his photobook he is about to release.You know with all the pictures around the world...?
Sophie: Yes actually I was saying that.But I was just saying it because I wanted to let DAD KNOW, uh uh, how much I wanted him to take me to your international tour.
Jared: What? Really? So you didn't actually mean you liked my photobook?
Sophie: Dad this is not the point right now!
Jared: No, this is the point.We need to talk about it!
Shannon: Jared, the girl is right.Wait up for a second.Sophie...sweetie, Imma buy you a new Christmars present alright?
Sophie: No no, uncle it's alright...I mean...Litherman right? I will find out about his...talent.
Sophie pretended she threw up behind Tomo.Tomo giggled with her, asking her to keep it low.
Shannon: Oh well...so after that delightful break...Anna would you like to open up up your present?
Anna: Yeah sure!
Anna unwrapped her present.
Anna: A leather jacket! I love leather jackets! But why is it...yellow?
Shannon: I love yellow.
Tomo: Shannon it's Christmas, get yourself together.
Shannon: So? You don't like it sweetheart? You wear leather jackets pretty often.
Anna: Yeah I am actually wearing dad's leather jackets....at home. Again with the creepy Oedipus complex...Sort of expect 'Alone' to be the next word out of her mouth.
Jared got shocked again.
Jared: Since when?!
Anna: Oh c'mon dad, like you haven't seen me!
Jared: No actually I haven't because the last weeks, I have been editing on that goddamn Hurricane video day & night to spend some time with you girls on the holidays.
Sophie: Which by the way is pretty surreal, dad.Didn't know you had such a dirty mind.
Sophie winked to Jared. 

I just vomited in my mouth a little. 

Muna: I would actually call it soft porn with...well some dad kick-boxing. Jared trying to be Mikeyway.
Jared: Where did you see the video? Shannon....Tomo....I am such a bad father. We're kind of getting the same impression. Anyone got the number for social services?
Shannon: It is alright, they obviously saw the teaser online. Everyone, everywhere, who's tall enough to turn the computer on, saw the full uncut video. People in the outer steppes of Mongolia saw the freaking video.
Tomo: Yeah relax yourself, dude!
All the girls together: Uhm yes.
Jared: Shannon! Why are you even speaking? You just recently found out about retweeting!
Shannon: What! I actually know how to follow people you know!
Tomo: This conversation is over, girls well done with your presents, have fun with them! Well Anna I don't know if I can say the same about yours, yellow was never my thing.Who is up for pizza?!!
All together: Let's go!

And all this normal family went up for pizza outdoors.To be continued...

Normal? About as normal Josef Fritzl's pizza outings, yeah? 

Oh hey, maybe that's where the babymomma is, the basement?